Larry

Squalid and hungry

(Refine the un-refineable?)

Why is it always in the bookish dank of my room?

Why can't I see the immeasurable oblivion that shattered the glass jar of this man's soul?

There was thirst, hunger, death, (fruit)

Every second felt like a life-age of us, like the pecking of a bird to the brain of a man, or shelled imposter of a once thought..."man"

A soured soul

The debris he calls his harvest

Lay limp in Larry's lap

I idle, I idle

That bitten mouth can still kiss

Pale and blind, nothing new, not to the carrier

Not to this space

His hands were twisted like shadows

He fathered his everything

He mothered his nothingness

Impervious I bided, at the service of the the service-less

Standing like the skipper in the prow of this emptied vessel

grumblings

So much dirt in this day; I still can't shake it loose.  I hated today. The stink of it clings close to me like a popcorn hull in the hollowed cavern of a begotten wisdom tooth.  Have you ever had one of those 8 hour shifts where it is almost painful the way that time seemingly slows around you? Have you sat in that chair, behind that desk, and had an almost out-of-body misery that solely comes from the unforgiving desire to be anywhere other than where you are. Today was that day.  Today was that dull ache in time.  Maybe it's the weather I don't know. 

It all started on the bus ride in to work.  Waiting at the bus stop with my fellow clones, I found myself wanting to ask the bleach blonde 40-something if she liked the way the dew on the leaf of the branch between our neighboring heads held the sunlight.  I wanted to sit down on a bench without smiling at anyone.  I wanted to fart.  I wanted to kick in the glass at the base of the waiting hut, but I couldn't...could I?  I was consumed today from 8:30 - 8:45 with a desire to wake up in a way that feels or shares or makes loud noises.  But, I had to go to work...I didn't want work today.  I wondered what it would feel like to take the bus that stopped behind mine to Roseville and just walk around that city for the day.  No new accents or culture shocks, just different, just temporary freedom and will.  What would the acceptance and commitment to that course of inherently "contrary" action feel like?  I wanted to know today.  I guess I am just bored.  I realized today that the deepest hole a man can dig is when he allows himself to wallow in what he would consider his dull nothingness.  It isn't attractive and I knew that...I know that. Why don't people hold doors for me in the skyway?  Why can't people see how great it is to give a smile that is all heart, genuine warmth, no more stiff, stiff, stiff.  I just want a smile that says I am happy you are human and you are in my sights and so I will smile; unreservedly.  We could be in a momentary peace when we look at one another.  I want to always hide pretension and tight-lipped lies.  How are YOU (and I want to stick around for the answer and ask another, always I want to ask another). 

Why do people wear bluetooths?  

An incoherent rant from a heart that tasted too much sourness; too much "of the world-ness".  Tomorrow's forecast is going to have to call for sunnier songs that we can sing together.  Our whispers could be bold. I still love to smile:)

Relax every part of your body tonight and know that we are in it...

My beautiful country is quiet...right now.